You? A fear of writing? But you have two blogs!

Yes, yes I do, but it’s not easy. Of course, you will have noticed that I don’t always keep this one updated, and some weeks on my WoW blog I will write a post everyday, others perhaps only once a week, it varies, but yes, I suppose you could say that I have a fear of writing. Since I was very young, I wanted to write, yet I constantly worry that I’m not good enough. Constantly. Even right now I’m wanting to say “and I’m not, I’m God damn awful at writing”, but where, exactly, is that going to get me?

I decided to use NaNoWriMo to combat my fear of writing. I’ve just never been able to start and continue with a novel, I’ve never managed to complete a plot and get started, and that is a huge problem for somebody with a lifelong dream to write a novel and have it published. NaNoWriMo has given me the ability to just write, without worrying about how bad my plot might be, how much my writing style might suck, just get the words written and deal with the rest later. I believe that if I can complete my novel this month, then it will give me the confidence boost I need. It will show me that yes, I can write, here’s the proof.

The problem is, we’re onto day 5 now, and you can see my wordcount is not doing too badly, I’ve reached 11,000/50,000 in 4 days, which is brilliant. I may have days when I won’t write much, and so I need to have that little buffer. See, I haven’t really enjoyed writing. I still have it in my head that everything I am writing is absolute crap and that nothing will come of this, and I’ll never improve, and blah blah, other negative stuff. I’ve had to force myself to keep to the 1667 words a day, and I honestly owe a lot of this to friends.

I’ve been doing word sprints. My region set up an IRC channel and on Wednesday, I decided to pop in and say hello. Just as I did, they said that they would be starting a word sprint soon, I figured well, last time I tried one via the @nanowordsprints twitter channel it didn’t help at all but what the heck, I’ll be sociable, and it worked. I got down about as many words as most of the others who joined in. I started doing them with Naithin, and everytime I do these sprints, I get a little bit further ahead. Jotting down a thousand words in half an hour whereas usually it would take me close to two hours is absolutely brilliant. So, if you’re struggling to keep your word count up, find somebody to have a few wordwars with. Not only are they helpful, but they are fun.

While I’m still not sure about my own story, having these mini battles is keeping me going a bit and it’s starting to get fun.